The Idiot Report........they walk among us!
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, som e Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your money in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORH OOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was
unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !